Is there such thing as a perfect marriage? According to the service I heard Sunday morning at church, its achievable. We were asked by Greg's aunt to come and "visit" her new church. We were a little apprehensive because we go to a Baptist church and they attend Chase Park Church of Christ. But she told us that there was going to be a guest speaker, and he was going to talk about "Achieving a Perfect Marriage" so we were THERE! We knew we needed all the advice we could get seeing as how we are a new married couple.
The guest speaker was a black Church of Christ preacher. If anyone knows anything about COC, they know that the preachers are more soft spoken and calm. They usually don't move out from behind the pulpit unlike a Baptist preacher who might jump the pews at any time! So when this older black preacher stepped up on the stage I knew it was going to be good, and it was. He talked with such emotion and love for his wife and children, I never even realized the whole time he was speaking I was smiling...
So what are the keys to a perfect marriage?? I'll tell you what I was told...there are 5 things you can do to make your marriage work
1. Work everyday to repair the "cracks" in the foundation of your marriage. "Cracks" can happen at any time and to any couple. 3 ways to fix the cracks? 1. Stay and be committed to your marriage. No matter what, know that YOU WILL STAY TOGETHER. 2. Make sure you have a desire for each other. 3. Make sure you have a plan/vision for your relationship. EX: make it your goal to make your spouse as happy as possible.
2. Create a "warm and fuzzy feeling". ( when someone says Greg Sims in my presence, it should make me smile..always) how do we create that feeling??? 1. complement each other daily. 2. live by "Peter Principals"(read the book of Peter from the bible.)
3. Work to keep the marriage smelling "fresh" When he said "smelling fresh" he was talking about when you are around others, they know that you two are in love. Always keep in mind that what you say to one another will haunt you forever. How do we do that? 1. "Die to Self" Stop being so SELFISH!! Have your life be more about what you can do for others, rather than what they can do for YOU. 2. Best way to show your marriage is Christian based, is to illustrate the Christian way of life. Treat each other how you would like to be treated.
4. There are certain "Erosion Factors" to avoid. 1. "gas lighting"-i am sure you are thinking what the heck? gas lighting means to put someone down. Its wrong to put someone down for your benefit. Talk kindly, and be nice! 2. "garbage dumping"- again, whats that? Its when you bring up the "old garbage" from the past and try and make it the present. If you have talked it out and decided to let it go, then actually LET IT GO! Every single time you bring up hurtful things from the past, all those same emotions come back..not a good idea. 3. "kitchen seat fighting"-thats when you find the thing that hurts the worse and go for that EVERY SINGLE TIME. Low blows are exactly that....LOW.
5. Last and final way to keep the marriage together? Don't allow the flame to burn out. Keep the relationship fun and exciting. Try new things. Talk, take walks, go on dates, etc. BECAUSE when the flame is going out, people tend to stray. When someone is truly in love with another, they don't have the desire to cheat, lie, etc.
All I know for sure is, I wish I would have heard this speaker before I got married. It made me look at my own marriage and the way I treat Greg, and I had to rethink some things.
So, the key to a perfect marriage? There isn't one. But according to Brother Sam, these things are all things we should try and work on. One quote that stood out in my mind.....
"Pray that God doesn't let you outlive the love you have for each other."
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